"Are you finished your next book yet?"

I had a funny little conversation with someone the other day who with all good intentions made a comment that once again made me wish people could walk a mile in my shoes to understand my life better or perhaps I could just get the time to begin writing again.

So, I thought I would take the moment to write a post and share the misunderstood comment.

The person came into our store as they hadn't been in for awhile, when they saw me they were very happy and wanted to chat. Of course their first statement was, "I haven't seen you in months, have you been away on vacation or just busy writing? Is your Kelowna store keeping busy? Are you finished your next book yet?"

Thankfully I always try my best to be understanding and see peoples comments from their point of view first before simply just responding, but in my mind, my heart sank and my fatigue for how often people make these comments almost made me want to just walk away. However, the compassionate side of me smiled and began to answer.

"No, unfortunately I haven't had a vacation in years but would certainly love one almost as much as I would love to get back to writing again but have no time for that either. Oh and we shut the Kelowna store down over a year ago now and I spend most of my time running this store, helping our sons with their business projects, taking care of a house, family and currently just finished building our two new Virtual Reality rooms right here at the store. I'm surprised you haven't seen me as I have spent so much time here the last few months cleaning, rearranging and fixing stuff both during open hours and tons when it's closed."

Without a moments hesitation they answered, "I guess it has been a few weeks since I was in but I did hear about all the comic conventions you guys have gone to and the summer camp you were at. Those must have been fun and would be a vacation for you as well, so at least you got away for a little bit."

All I could do was take a deep breath and kindly answer again, "Well, if you've ever set-up a booth at any type of convention, it's definitely not a vacation. In fact, the boys and I spend a couple weeks preparing for it, then at least a week cleaning up afterwards and during the event we work long days on our feet, with set-up, serving customers, packing-up and heading home. We barely see the hotel and have little time to explore anywhere. The fun we have is in between a lot of work and to be honest, staying home would be way easier and far more of a vacation than setting up at these conventions. I end up with the greatest work load as I still have all my responsibilities to this store that have to get done while doing all the additional work for the conventions and camp. Summer camp is no vacation either, ask anyone who has gone to work at one, however, it's my way a giving a little back to God for all He has blessed me with and the boys feel the same."

Finally, I could see a little bit of understanding in their eyes as they questioned, "If it's that much work, why do you do it? Why not just go as a regular attendee?"

"The answer is simply that I am a dad first and my desire is to encourage my sons to live and fulfill their dreams. They've always wanted to go to these wonderful nerdy conventions because they felt it was something they could connect too, I feel the same. We can't afford the expense of these conventions so by working them, our weekend gets paid for, we make some extra for the store and we get to go. Daddy always finds a way. Through the conventions both the boys have found a place of belonging, friendships and connections which have encouraged them to follow their dreams and now one is becoming a Tailor and the other is who I am helping build the VR rooms for. It's a lot of work but the risk is worth it to see my sons following their dreams."

"It's too bad your wife doesn't get to go though, she's always stuck working here."

"Again, the conventions are a lot of hectic, crazy, busy challenges and I'm the risk taker, she isn't. So she prefers the structure and routine the store offers but would still love to come and at least meet some of the stars and see some of the outfits people wear. I always offer to hire someone to work the store so she could come, but she prefers to handle it herself. The compromise is that since our one son moved back from Kelowna, over a year ago, she gets extra days off as the boys both work several days now too. Her and our sons are all scheduled for 3 days a week and then from time to time, like the conventions, they all work extra to help out. It's given her a lot more time off and freedom to just putter at projects."

"So then if she has so much extra time, why haven't you guys gone away on a vacation then?"

Another deep breath, "I said she and the boys get the time off, I'm the one who organizes and works these conventions, plus, I'm the one who orders, inventories, manages work schedules, finances, bills, problems, seasonal rearrangements, repairs and much more for this store, house and family. When someone can cover my job, I will finally have time for that vacation."

"Oh, I just thought I didn't see you here much because you were at home writing and worked here sometimes. I didn't realize you were doing all this other stuff. I guess I didn't really think about what all has to be done in order for me to get my package of batteries and pop. With the amount of stuff you have in here it would definitely take a lot of work to keep up on it."

"Yes it does. But that's my job, and if I'm doing it right our customers simply get to enjoy their experience for the moment they are here. However, because it is all in the background no one sees or understands how much work it takes. Any time I give to volunteering or working anything else, including writing, means I have to spend extra hours in order to make sure my regular responsibilities to my family and the store are taken care of. I don't have anyone to cover my job so I can get days off, so writing has to wait until my main responsibilities are taken care of. Which I'm hoping to do soon."

"Can't your wife or sons take some of your work load? It's not healthy to be working so much, you do need a little fun in life."

"That's part of why I go to the conventions and camp, it's work but I also find it fun and I do play video games, so that is also my stress release. My wife and I are very different people though, I thrive in stressful situations; am willing to face challenges as I need to and can handle being the one responsible for the decisions. Of course that's why I have blood pressure issues as well. She prefers low stress environments, routines and schedules, and to have someone else who can make the tough decisions. So, the way I see it, we work well together because we balance each other out. My job is a little more challenging for her so she leaves it for me, but her job wouldn't be challenging enough for me and I would make a mess of it all the time trying to change things and create more of a challenge. This works for us. However, it just doesn't allow me time off. My hope is to have our sons take on more of my end so I can have less work, at least while they are still figuring out their own life plans and willing to work for us."

"Makes me feel like I should appreciate my job a little more and quit complaining about it. I hope the next time I see you, you've had the chance to finally take a break though. Sometimes you need to let some of the responsibilities slide and take time off for what you enjoy doing in order to recharge your soul and remember why you do what it is you do. Just a little thought to leave you with."


It's not the first time someone has said that to me but I always get stuck in the routine of being responsible for everything because life has been so tough at times, that I forget to take the time for myself and my dreams. With all the trials of the past many years I have done my best to be there for everyone else, but rarely took the time for me. When others around me couldn't cope with the stresses, I picked up the slack and carried the load for all of us. I am the full-time dad who as the primary care-giver for our sons, work full-time, volunteer many hours for church and community events, built a house, two stores, cook, clean, repair, take care of my wife and my mother, encourage others to fulfill their dreams and endure all I need to; and, wrote three books in the process. Maybe it is time for me to let some responsibilities slide, even for a short bit, and take some time for me. I have always made sure my wife and sons take time for themselves, but never feel I can do the same.

So, as part of my birthday present this year I am asking my sons for some time off. Once my Christmas and regular orders are all finished, cheques written, bills paid, yard cleaned-up and the VR room marketing and finishing touches are complete, sure then I will take time off. Lol, who am I kidding, I guess I'll just have to take the time off anyways.

Perhaps that's the secret to a happy life, take the time, because trying to make it will only get filled up along the way.


Okay boys, my birthday is next week, now you know what I NEED!