Book Four in The Chronicles of Malachai has finally begun!

It's been a long couple of years but I am finally taking the time to begin book four in the series. Thank you to all who have been so patient in waiting.

The last few weeks I have taken a few minutes whenever I could to start putting together an outline for where this portion of the story will journey as well as plan character names and events. I have to admit I'm finding this book a lot harder to write than even the last one mainly because of the difficult subjects it needs to cover.

To give a sneak preview, and for those who may not have read any of the previous books in the series, Malachai has a gift given by God which allows him to see and feel the heart or "soul" of others; and he sees the spiritual world of angels, demons and more around us all. His journey through life has caused him to make many choices of what to believe, who to trust and what truth really is. Now he finds his ultimate test, will he still trust God when faced with losing everything and everyone he holds dear? Will he still stand against the darkness when his own life is at stake? Can he believe in a God who would allow so many heart-ache's to exist?

This journey for Malachai will take him through some of his greatest fears as his youngest child gets a fast growing cancer which threaten's to take him causing Malachai to face his deep fear of losing his happy thoughts, one of his children. As well, the love of his life, Lucy, who as part of the result of the cancer can no longer deal with what Malachai sees and feels. The spiritual forces continue to draw her in and use her own insecurities and fears stemming from childhood  abuse, abandonment issues and her need to protect those who hurt her back then, in order to further divide her from Malachai and their children. The result causes Malachai to face another deep fear, the loss of his true love, and as he desperately tries to do whatever he must to hold his family together, he has to watch as his true love pushes them all further away. She accepts the lies the spirits fed her that she would no longer be good enough for anyone, including herself and just like when she was younger, she retreats into a world of her own where she can feel safe and hide.

Malachai's world has collapsed. With their finances now in shambles, caused by the cancer expenses; their marriage falling apart; and the fear of losing a child, Malachai tries desperately to hold on to his belief that God is still with him and cries out for help. Instead, he faces a more powerful spirit than ever before who threatens his very life if Malachai doesn't leave the town. Within weeks Malachai faces another fear as he has a heart-attack and almost dies. While his life fades he sees a vision of the loving smile of his two sons standing before him and he begins to fight back, denying death and choosing to live for them.

Armed with the Hope that by trusting God's purposes, anything can be overcome if we can only believe and see what is good and can be, Malachai faces his fears even while his world collapses. Choosing to fight the spiritual forces he stands by his wife, trying to help her deal with her insecurities, the cancer, their poverty and his health. He will fight for her, even in his own weakness, he will fight for their two boys who are the light within this darkness. Malachai chooses to stand for his family and what he believes, even when those he is fighting for no longer believe in him.

Is this war and trusting God truly worth the cost?

Book four in The Chronicles of Malachai: The War!

"Are you finished your next book yet?"

I had a funny little conversation with someone the other day who with all good intentions made a comment that once again made me wish people could walk a mile in my shoes to understand my life better or perhaps I could just get the time to begin writing again.

So, I thought I would take the moment to write a post and share the misunderstood comment.

The person came into our store as they hadn't been in for awhile, when they saw me they were very happy and wanted to chat. Of course their first statement was, "I haven't seen you in months, have you been away on vacation or just busy writing? Is your Kelowna store keeping busy? Are you finished your next book yet?"

Thankfully I always try my best to be understanding and see peoples comments from their point of view first before simply just responding, but in my mind, my heart sank and my fatigue for how often people make these comments almost made me want to just walk away. However, the compassionate side of me smiled and began to answer.

"No, unfortunately I haven't had a vacation in years but would certainly love one almost as much as I would love to get back to writing again but have no time for that either. Oh and we shut the Kelowna store down over a year ago now and I spend most of my time running this store, helping our sons with their business projects, taking care of a house, family and currently just finished building our two new Virtual Reality rooms right here at the store. I'm surprised you haven't seen me as I have spent so much time here the last few months cleaning, rearranging and fixing stuff both during open hours and tons when it's closed."

Without a moments hesitation they answered, "I guess it has been a few weeks since I was in but I did hear about all the comic conventions you guys have gone to and the summer camp you were at. Those must have been fun and would be a vacation for you as well, so at least you got away for a little bit."

All I could do was take a deep breath and kindly answer again, "Well, if you've ever set-up a booth at any type of convention, it's definitely not a vacation. In fact, the boys and I spend a couple weeks preparing for it, then at least a week cleaning up afterwards and during the event we work long days on our feet, with set-up, serving customers, packing-up and heading home. We barely see the hotel and have little time to explore anywhere. The fun we have is in between a lot of work and to be honest, staying home would be way easier and far more of a vacation than setting up at these conventions. I end up with the greatest work load as I still have all my responsibilities to this store that have to get done while doing all the additional work for the conventions and camp. Summer camp is no vacation either, ask anyone who has gone to work at one, however, it's my way a giving a little back to God for all He has blessed me with and the boys feel the same."

Finally, I could see a little bit of understanding in their eyes as they questioned, "If it's that much work, why do you do it? Why not just go as a regular attendee?"

"The answer is simply that I am a dad first and my desire is to encourage my sons to live and fulfill their dreams. They've always wanted to go to these wonderful nerdy conventions because they felt it was something they could connect too, I feel the same. We can't afford the expense of these conventions so by working them, our weekend gets paid for, we make some extra for the store and we get to go. Daddy always finds a way. Through the conventions both the boys have found a place of belonging, friendships and connections which have encouraged them to follow their dreams and now one is becoming a Tailor and the other is who I am helping build the VR rooms for. It's a lot of work but the risk is worth it to see my sons following their dreams."

"It's too bad your wife doesn't get to go though, she's always stuck working here."

"Again, the conventions are a lot of hectic, crazy, busy challenges and I'm the risk taker, she isn't. So she prefers the structure and routine the store offers but would still love to come and at least meet some of the stars and see some of the outfits people wear. I always offer to hire someone to work the store so she could come, but she prefers to handle it herself. The compromise is that since our one son moved back from Kelowna, over a year ago, she gets extra days off as the boys both work several days now too. Her and our sons are all scheduled for 3 days a week and then from time to time, like the conventions, they all work extra to help out. It's given her a lot more time off and freedom to just putter at projects."

"So then if she has so much extra time, why haven't you guys gone away on a vacation then?"

Another deep breath, "I said she and the boys get the time off, I'm the one who organizes and works these conventions, plus, I'm the one who orders, inventories, manages work schedules, finances, bills, problems, seasonal rearrangements, repairs and much more for this store, house and family. When someone can cover my job, I will finally have time for that vacation."

"Oh, I just thought I didn't see you here much because you were at home writing and worked here sometimes. I didn't realize you were doing all this other stuff. I guess I didn't really think about what all has to be done in order for me to get my package of batteries and pop. With the amount of stuff you have in here it would definitely take a lot of work to keep up on it."

"Yes it does. But that's my job, and if I'm doing it right our customers simply get to enjoy their experience for the moment they are here. However, because it is all in the background no one sees or understands how much work it takes. Any time I give to volunteering or working anything else, including writing, means I have to spend extra hours in order to make sure my regular responsibilities to my family and the store are taken care of. I don't have anyone to cover my job so I can get days off, so writing has to wait until my main responsibilities are taken care of. Which I'm hoping to do soon."

"Can't your wife or sons take some of your work load? It's not healthy to be working so much, you do need a little fun in life."

"That's part of why I go to the conventions and camp, it's work but I also find it fun and I do play video games, so that is also my stress release. My wife and I are very different people though, I thrive in stressful situations; am willing to face challenges as I need to and can handle being the one responsible for the decisions. Of course that's why I have blood pressure issues as well. She prefers low stress environments, routines and schedules, and to have someone else who can make the tough decisions. So, the way I see it, we work well together because we balance each other out. My job is a little more challenging for her so she leaves it for me, but her job wouldn't be challenging enough for me and I would make a mess of it all the time trying to change things and create more of a challenge. This works for us. However, it just doesn't allow me time off. My hope is to have our sons take on more of my end so I can have less work, at least while they are still figuring out their own life plans and willing to work for us."

"Makes me feel like I should appreciate my job a little more and quit complaining about it. I hope the next time I see you, you've had the chance to finally take a break though. Sometimes you need to let some of the responsibilities slide and take time off for what you enjoy doing in order to recharge your soul and remember why you do what it is you do. Just a little thought to leave you with."


It's not the first time someone has said that to me but I always get stuck in the routine of being responsible for everything because life has been so tough at times, that I forget to take the time for myself and my dreams. With all the trials of the past many years I have done my best to be there for everyone else, but rarely took the time for me. When others around me couldn't cope with the stresses, I picked up the slack and carried the load for all of us. I am the full-time dad who as the primary care-giver for our sons, work full-time, volunteer many hours for church and community events, built a house, two stores, cook, clean, repair, take care of my wife and my mother, encourage others to fulfill their dreams and endure all I need to; and, wrote three books in the process. Maybe it is time for me to let some responsibilities slide, even for a short bit, and take some time for me. I have always made sure my wife and sons take time for themselves, but never feel I can do the same.

So, as part of my birthday present this year I am asking my sons for some time off. Once my Christmas and regular orders are all finished, cheques written, bills paid, yard cleaned-up and the VR room marketing and finishing touches are complete, sure then I will take time off. Lol, who am I kidding, I guess I'll just have to take the time off anyways.

Perhaps that's the secret to a happy life, take the time, because trying to make it will only get filled up along the way.


Okay boys, my birthday is next week, now you know what I NEED!

Finding Hope Through Depression

     Recently I’ve been going through those old forgotten boxes stashed in the back of the storage room completely ignored and left, well, preferably forever. But no, my OCD finally won out and I felt the need to finally go through them and clean them out. After all I never did forget about them and they keep haunting my dreams. What I didn’t realize was just how old some of the boxes labelled ‘filing cabinet’ actually were and that this is where I had stashed all the ‘will sort later’ stuff as well. So I began the journey of dredging through the past to get rid of stuff I’ve obviously not missed but just couldn’t let go of at one point in time.

     I will have to admit going through some of these boxes has been a very hard process because it reminded me of past struggles, judgements, self-doubts and hurts. However, it’s also shown me how much I have grown, learned, overcome and stood strong. I’ve never met anyone whose life was an easy journey, but I’ve often had people amazed at what I’ve gone through and question why I’ve never just given up. Well if they could have gone through these old boxes, preferably for me, they would have seen how many times I wanted to quit and give up, but something inside of me kept pushing forward and believed life could be better.

     As an author dealing with the subject of spiritual warfare it really shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’ve also struggled with depression most of my life. In fact during my teen and young adult years, many people used the issue of my depression to excuse what I was feeling and seeing as simply made up and part of my “messed up psychological state”. Needless to say their comments certainly didn’t help my depression in any way. However, no matter how much people judged and how low I felt, something deep inside of me couldn’t let go of the truth that I was more than their words and beliefs, I was somebody whom I just didn’t believe in yet.

     From weight issues, family deaths, abuse, depression, poverty, house fires, health & heart issues, heart attacks, loved ones dying of cancer, my son having a miracle and surviving cancer, and so much more, the truth is on several occasions even I considered ending it all because life can be hard and will wear you down until you feel you have nothing left. However, those boxes I mentioned earlier filled with my life back then, only tell part of the story. If I had given up and given in to how tough life can be and will be still, I wouldn’t be writing this blog now and able to fill new boxes with the stories of what I’ve overcome.

     What I lacked back then was the ability to believe in who I am and can be. I’ve always been someone who felt emotions deeply, both in myself and within others. I often feel other people’s emotions so strongly that I used to take them on as if they were my own. If I was around someone who felt deep loss from the death of someone close, then I would somehow absorb their pain and take it on myself. They would feel better, yet I felt so sad. In these old boxes I found letters from people thanking me for helping them through a tough time and how much I made them feel better, yet as I read the letters I remembered how helping them caused me more pain and only added to my own depression. Back then I thought there was something wrong with me and those I confided in simply told me not take on other people’s problems and leave them to deal with life themselves, while at the same time, these confidants were using me to help them with their own lives and problems. So I became lonely and quit sharing my frustrations with others and learned to just keep everything inside.

     If you’ve read any of my books I’m sure you can recognize the similarities between my main character “Malachai” and myself, yes, my books are written about my own life journey. The reason I finally started writing them is because God kept tugging on my heart to share my story as others needed to hear it. To me my life doesn’t seem like something others would care much for, but placed in God’s hands, my life has been used to encourage many and help them find hope. Hope is the thing deep inside of me that never could let go or give up no matter how hard life was, and I believe strongly it was God who place it there in order to give a life-line so I could believe in who He created me to be all along.

     Now after many years, I’ve learned that being depressed at times is not evil or bad, there’s actually nothing wrong with me. When life is hard it’s okay to feel down, frustrated, overwhelmed and depressed. It’s just a valley I’m walking through and even though I still haven’t found someone who understands my odd way of thinking and why I feel such deep emotion or the spiritual things I see and feel, it doesn’t mean I’m messed up or wrong, instead it proves I’m a unique individual and I’m necessary for both God’s purposes and for others because I see the world a different way.

     Where some judged and criticized because I claimed to see angels and demons, I’ve learned because God allowed me to see differently, I have been able to help people in ways they can’t see. Even in churches where I watched righteous Christians judging others who struggled with handi-caps, mental illness and more, even trying to cast the demons out, my unique way of seeing was able to see the truth and stop the unrighteous judgments of innocent normal people who were never demon possessed but just different. I was able to actually help them believe in who God created them to be instead of trying to make them suitable to fit in.

     My ability to feel emotions within others and see deeper within their souls may still be a burden much of the time, but in God’s hands I’ve been able to help countless people sort through their struggles of life and gain a perspective which offers them hope. Since writing my books I’ve learned there are many people who feel as I do and all have struggled with depression and mental illness as a result as well. There’s even a name attributed to those who feel deep emotion, their called Empath’s, because they feel deep empathy and emotion for others. I’ve also found that it is more commonly attributed for women to be empath’s than for men, which again is why for me to feel as I do has been criticized more and caused me to hide it. However, I shouldn’t, because once again I’ve learned there is nothing wrong with me and I need to let God help me use my gift while trusting Him to help me let go of the emotions when they become too strong for me to handle.

     Depression runs strong in my family history which gives me a clue that perhaps I’m not the only one struggling with what I see and feel in the world around me. Perhaps the truth is many people have felt and seen the kinds of things I have but instead of learning to use these abilities they’ve shut them off and made themselves ‘normal’ because it’s easier to fit in. I’m certainly not one to judge their decision because I agree with them, it is easier. However, just remember there are those of us who don’t need to fit in as we are happy, at least most of the time, with being different. There’s nothing wrong with our shape, look, style, way of thinking or beliefs, and we were never meant to be like everyone else, but we are normal, just as God intended us to be. We are just learning to believe what He already sees.